“Hi, my name is Tim and it’s been ten months since my last solid night’s sleep without overnight feedings.”
“Hi Tim.”
“My youngest daughter is now ten months old and I am ready to take back the night.”
“Admitting you need help is the first step, now we can get to work.”
This was my imaginary conversation with the parenting support group that exists in my mind’s eye when I need to process parenting stratagem. For both Jen and my sanity, health and overall well being it was time to pull the plug on Julia’s overnight feedings.
“No matter what happens, you have to be — and stay — 100% committed to the end goal of Julia happily sleeping through the night”
“We are all in…”
How can you ignore this face, even if it is 4 am?
Until only less than two months ago, Julia was still waking at least once — and most likely twice — each night; first between 11:00 pm and Midnight and then again between 3:00 am and 4:00 am to drink her six ounce bottle of formula and happily drift back off to sleep. She had Jen and I so well trained that we would bring two bottles of formula to bed with us each night so that instead of having to walk downstairs and make the bottle, we could save precious minutes overnight by mixing the bottle in the bathroom and feeding Julia before she could fully awaken.
The first feeding dropped very naturally — in some ways too naturally. There was an evening or two of fussing with Jen or I needing to go in and soothe her a little, but having been inspired by little proactive thinking on our part and accomplished with relative ease, I felt like it was just time. It felt like the feeding dropped on its own because it wasn’t needed anymore with little help or guidance from me.
Of course, the second feeding should do the same right?
Of course, it didn’t.
So this week, finally determined to take back the night, Jen and I decided it was time to take away the 4:00 am feeding. I think we expected a difficult process with hours of crying not only keeping us awake — when feeding her would have us all sleeping soundly in less than ten minutes — but also waking Ryan throwing our whole night into a sleepless hell.
The first night into our efforts, Julia did in fact wake at 4:00 am with her customary, “I am waking up — you better come in here and feed me” moans. As expected, the moans turned into an angry cry and after a half an hour I nearly buckled. Thanks to Jen’s cooler head, instead of feeding Julia, Jen went into her room and soothed her. She quieted down for a few minutes — until the realization that there was no bottle forthcoming took root again — before kicking the angry cry back up a notch. At about 5:15 am — luckily with Ryan still sleeping soundly in the next room through the noise — it was my turn to go in and soothe Julia a bit. Laying her down, she looked up at me with only one thought in her mind, “Where’s my bottle? Don’t you love me?” and I looked down at her with only one thought in my mind, “Please — if you love me and your mother — go to sleep”.
I am still not entirely sure if she did go to sleep right away or not, but I certainly did. Walking into Julia’s room the next morning after hearing her cooing and talking to herself happily shortly after 6:30 am, I was still greeted with the loving cheer and smile I had been accustomed to. I was still loved, despite being the withholder of bottles the night before.
Like the dropping of the first feeding, the second night went easier. Julia didn’t wake until 5:00 am and even though she was restless and slightly annoyed, she didn’t require us to go in and soothe her.
Last night, the third night of our take back the night campaign, she woke again around 5:00 am but only for a few minutes and without drama. Things are finally moving in the right direction.
How the rest of the week plays out remains to be seen, but it is likely the worst is behind us and just like ripping off a bandaid, the hardest part of the process is deciding it needs to be done and committing to ripping it off.
Now…if you’ll pardon me, I am off to get a full night’s sleep.
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